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| TJ Edwards & Ms Molly Mule - an unfortunate accident Date: 6/18/08Dear Mr Edwards,  Sadly, it was brought to my attention that some of our children, "the heifers in the back pasture", were very discourteous to you and your lovely Mule, Ms Molly on your recent vist. We can assure you these girls will be made to understand they have done wrong to a good lad.. They have agreed to donate their first gallon of milk to some young children to help them grow strong shoulders such as yours. Hopefully when these girls realize their wrong, they will pass their experience on to our boys as we would like them to grow into fine young lads such as y Papa Bull and I are hoping the these children of ours will have better manners on your next visit to our fair city of Forestville. May your pasture always look the greenest on your side of the fence... Mama Cow of Forestville
Date: 6/19/8 Dear mamma cow,
Date: 6/19/08 TJ must be feeling better to come up with this. His "life coach", Mr Meyer, must have been working with him..
Date: 6/19/08 TJ's life coach has been a little busy. I haven't heard the whole story, but I've gotten the gist of it. As someone who has been around cows most of his life, I've learned that the only animal dumber is a sheep, unless we are talking about holsteins; they are so dumb that they think they are black cows with white spots. My advice would have been to dust yourself, off get in your truck, drive down to the farm, and run every one of them over. Date 6/24/08 Subject: Mamma Cow forgives Mr Ed. Dear Mamma Cow, July 4th, 2008 Dearest Mr Edwards and Miss Molly Mule; It has been a cause for celebration down here on the farm that after our visit face to face to resolve the issue of how our children treated you, our grudges have been put to greener pastures.. Papa Bull and I rejoiced with a little romp in the back pasture and now all the cows are exceeding their daily milk ration. Mr Rooster had the greatest recital at sunrise this am, motivating everyone to do some great deed to their fellow barnyard friend.. Most everything is in harmony down here on the farm.. One of our youngest heifers, Gretell by name, still has concerns about the animosity of your life coach and his attitude toward our young'ns. 20 years is long time to hold a grudge which must have started well before they were even a twinkle in Papa Bulls eyes. Perhaps, you could spend some of your positive time and "coach" Mr Life Coach, that its time to let this phase pass. In our round hay discussions of why he might have a grudge, the only thing we could come up with is that in his youth, not so long ago, he was snubbed by a young lady that wore a black and white dress and has carried that forward...Hard to believe coming from such a fine young lad as himself... Ms Misty (our fellow equine on the farm) has shown interest in hearing on how Ms Suzy's nice little horsey is doing. Well, it is time to sign off and do some grazing to be able to keep up my daily milk production. Take care, Mr Edwards and Ms Molly Mule. Mamma Cow, Papa Bull, and the rest of the barnyard Date: Monday, July 07, 2008 8:33 PM Subject: my new net worth i've always thought of myself as being a very forgiving person who realizes that often the many mistakes made by others are often just a lack of thoughtfulness on their part. in other words, the many mistakes made by your children were not done intentially. therefore i was going to just forgive and forget the unkind actions committed by your children while miss molly mule and myself were riding down the public road past your farm on june 14. however, i was recently contacted by an ms. anna plasmosis, an attorney with the law firm dewey, cheatem and howe, s.c. (i've been told that the s.c. stands for "screwed completely.") ms. plasmosis had heard about the problems we encountered with your children. while i know you may think this smacks of ambulance chasing (i must confess that i did also.) i was assurred by ms. plasmosis that she does not chase ambulence. in fact ms. plasmosis has told me that over 90% of the time she is able to beat the ambulance to the hospital! anna plasmosis is currently preparing a law suit against your children. as they are all legally minors this in reality will become a law suit against you. therefore i must ask you for several items: 1. the names and ages of each of your children. 2. a complete listing of all of your assets. 4. the live weight of each of your children as of june 14. 5. the market value of each of your children as of june 14. 6. the potential value of each of your female children as a milk cow when in production. 7. the potential value of each of your male children if certain body parts are sold as "oysters." while i know this may cause you great consternation you should be aware that i have been suffering for several weeks now, that i'm in a great deal of pain, that the ride season is slipping away quickly and i will soon fall from top-ten placing, that i am entitled to financial redress for my financial losses, and that i am entitled to financial redress for my pain and suffering. please provided the requested information as soon as possible as ms. anna plasmosis, attorney-at-law would like to begin scheduling depositions as soon as possible. sincerely, miss molly mule and t.j.
Date: Tues July 8 Dearest Mr. Edwards and Ms Molly Mule: cc: Ms Anna Plasmosis of Du We Cheatem and How; S.C. Oh My Gosh!!!! After your last letter, my milk turned sour when we seen what you and Ms Molly ( one half of an a**), were planning on doing to our family. Papa Bull felt like coming off the farm to discuss who's "oysters" would be removed. We felt that after our last discussion everything was settled betwixt us so you can imagine the surprise to us. After we discussed this with William Goat,we realize that it is not your kind self instigating this but the lady from Du We Cheatem and How; S.C.. so we will not take this personally.. This seemed serious enough that William Goat, Bert Rooster, Papa Bull, and I had a round hay discussion with Mr Farmer to discuss your intended actions. He was as pale as Ms Banty's feathers when we finished. He knew something drastic had to be done to save his farm..so he consulted with Barney Rat. Their decision was Drastic!!! They removed the children from our pens and were sent to Heifer and Boy/Child Protection Services. If taking our children away wasn't enough, our pasture rights were revoked and we were asked to leave the farm and go live by the river bottom. I am sorry about you falling from the top ten placing in your ride season, but by following your attorneys recommendations, it has separated our family, we lost our home and are now relying on "The Homeless Cattle Fund". If you would still like to pursue this matter concerning the children and you feel that you can raise them better, please contact the Heifer and Boy/Child Protection Services. May your Wisconsin cheese be ever sour!!! Mama Cow mama cow, Date: Sat 7/19/08 Dearest Mr. Edwards and Ms Molly Mule, It was with great pleasure when Oliver Pig brought us your correspondence. Just knowing that you have not pursued your lawsuit relieved the stress that was causing me milk fever. Billy Goat also brought us the news that Mr. Farmer was allowing us pasture privileges back so we no longer have to live down by the river bottom...He also is corresponding with Heifer and Boy/Child Protection Services about returning our children to the pasture. Perhaps it was an extremely good lesson for all of us that the advice some people/businesses give isn't always in our best interest.. See attached MNDRA picture of someone else picking on you... It was with elation down here in the barnyard when it was read by Mr Rooster at daybreak announcements that you were now able to return to riding. I do know the stress of perhaps not being in the top ten was causing you additional strain. Maybe it is something you humans need to lighten up on and just enjoy the ride. We all are just glad that you are on the "road" to recovery versus the dirt road holding Ms Molly. In correspondance with the animals at Crow Hassan Park Reserve, they brought out that perhaps our children saved you an ever worse disaster with the "Great White Rock" of Mosquito Run. Realizing that we might have saved you more harm and even worse, embarrassment, that to make as you put it, " whole", we offer you an alternative. A lot of your fellow riders talk to their equine friends who correspond with Ms Misty here on the farm about how kind you are to your barnyard animals and even the equivical reverence you show to your first wife and children. I'm sure you would not want any harm to come to either your human family same as we wouldn't want harm to our family here on the farm.. We appeal to your human kindness that instead of "slaughtering" our children we offer that they give up some of their future milk production to process into the cheese you so love. And if you would like to bring some of your sweet maple syrup, we will incorporate this into the cheese. If this is acceptable, please advise your life coach to bring his new cooler (see attached picture) to Thistledown Run Races to keep the cheese cool after we cut it... Overflowing with milk and honey, Mama Cow of Forestville  
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